Ten Great Tips

 They do not love that do not show their love (William Shakespeare). Those are simple words for a very real principle in loving each other. Love is not to be selfish. It needs to be shown or it often eventually dies! "It is not self-seeking" and it "always perseveres" as it tells us in 1 Corinthians 13.

So to help us all in our quest to make our marriages the best they can be, we'd like to share with you, Ten Great Tips for Husbands and Ten Great Tips for Wives written by J. S. Salt. We've added additional comments in [brackets].

Ten Great Tips for Husbands:

 1. Listen, listen, listen! Put down that newspaper (or television remote control) and let her know your focus is on her.

2. When she tells you her problems, try not to jump in with advice. A sympathetic ear may be all she needs. [If you have advice to give, ask her if she wants it. If she doesn't, then give her what she needs—like a hug or just being there to listen to her. This will mean more to her than any advice you could ever give—even though it makes no sense to you. The point is to give her what SHE needs not what you need to give her.]

3. Schedule a date with her once a week. And it doesn't have to be expensive. The goal is simply to create time for just the two of you. [You dated her before marriage which helped you both to fall in love with each other, now date her after marriage to help you to STAY in love.]

4. Surprise her with little things that show your affection—a note, a funny card, a small gift, or flowers for no reason. She needs to feel you're thinking of her.

5. Do little day—to—day things that make her feel taken care of—like filling her empty water glass, bringing her coffee in bed or turning down her side of the bed if you go to sleep before her.

6. Connect with her physically during the day. Kiss her when you wake up, hold her hand sometimes, touch her in non-sexual ways. She'll be nicer to you and your sex life may improve. [But be careful not to let that be your motivation or it may not.]

7. Let the kids be your responsibility now and then. That way, she'll get some time for herself for a change.[Keep in mind that they're your children also and this not only will give your wife a much needed time for herself it gives you the opportunity to connect with them also— which they need from you too!]

8. Respect her. Don't make fun of her or berate her just because she doesn't think the same way you do. [The Bible tells us that "Love protects." This is a way of "protecting" her feelings that she desperately needs from you.]

9. When you're angry or upset, tell her why. Don't make her guess. [But do it in a respectful way. The Bible tells us to "speak the truth in love". That means to be motivated by your love for her to improve things between you. Things won't improve between you if you communicate with her in a mean—spirited way.]

10. Compliment her. And tell her you love her—at least once a day.

Based on the book: How to Be the Almost Perfect Husband: By Wives Who Know by J.S. Salt. To learn more, visit: joel@shakethatbrain.com

Ten Great Tips for Wives:

1. Let him know you believe in him. This will empower him to achieve his dreams. [One of the things that attracted him to you in the first place was that you believed in him. You made him feel like he was more special than anyone or anything else. Work to help him see that again.]

2. Accept your husband for the man he is, instead of wishing you could change this or that. [It's so easy to fall into the trap of looking at what others have and not accepting what we have right in front of us. It's the "grass looks greener in someone else's yard" syndrome—and yet the other yards have weeds that have to be fought against also—it's just that we don't always see their "weeds". When something is new it looks shinier. But eventually the shine wears off for many different reasons. I came to realize that my spouse may not be perfect, but neither am I. The Lord often reminds me to stop concentrating on my spouse's faults and work on my own.]

3. Help him be a hero to his kids. Speak well of him and the good things that he does.

4. Appreciate the things he does—like making repairs around the house. [Even if he doesn't do them well—at least he's making the effort—which is more than a lot of husbands will do.]

5. Let him spend time with the guys doing "guy" things [unless those "guy" things compromise the integrity of your marital relationship].

6. Respect his right to need some space. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

7. Stop asking him to throw out his torn, faded jeans. What you hate about them is what he loves about them. [Learn to choose what you argue about to those things that really are important.]

8. Stop criticizing his mother. [This may be difficult for you to do when his mother makes life difficult for you to handle. But criticizing his mother can make things worse in many ways. "Speak the truth in love" and in loving ways to your husband when it concerns his mother to improve your relationship. If this doesn't help, ask the Lord to show you how to handle the situation in the godliest, most peaceable way possible.]

9. Be patient with him—he's a man. Make him feel special—he's still someone who craves your approval.

10. Keep looking your best—for him…and for yourself.

Based on the book: How to Be the Almost Perfect Wife: By Husbands Who Know by J.S. Salt

  October 2017  
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